i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize