you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize