There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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