ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize