my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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