You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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