Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
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Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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