Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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