I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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