you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize