did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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