I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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