I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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