I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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