im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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