I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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