Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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