I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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