So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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