Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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