We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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