my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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