how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize