I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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