He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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