FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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