I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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