wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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