I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize