you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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