dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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