Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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