I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize