Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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