If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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