you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize