And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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