i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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