Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize