Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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