I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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