She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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