My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize