I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize