I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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