Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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