note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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