True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize