You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize