i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
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I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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